'I'm Actually at My Emotional Capacity' Memes Mock A Cold Tweet About 'Emotional Labor'

Author image for Ada Elder
Ada Elder
Nov 22, 2019 1:00 PM EST

People have been talking a lot about "emotional labor" lately, and most people have the concept wrong. Emotional labor actually refers to how we manage our emotions in the context of work - often adjusting how we feel and express our feelings to please a customer or an employer. In contrast, as people become more aware of the time and energy they put into taking care of the emotions of others, they use "emotional labor" to describe that very "chore." 

A new Twitter meme has definitely made us think about this misused term - and for good reason. Earlier this week, Melissa A. Fabello tweeted a bout a text she received from a friend asking if Fabello had the emotional capacity to entertain some venting. After expressing gratitude that her friend had thought to ask (and that she absolutely had the capacity) she offered up a text template for when you need to tell a person that you can't help them through their moment.

"Hey! I'm so glad you reached out. I'm actually at capacity / helping someone else who's in crisis / dealing with some personal stuff right now, and I don't think I can hold appropriate space for you. Could we connect [later date or time] instead / Do you have someone else you could reach out to?"

The tweet quickly went viral, with many users criticizing the tweet for its cold, almost businesslike tone. And once something goes viral on Twitter, it's safe to assume it will become a meme. This has definitely been the case with this template. People mocked it heavily on Twitter, sharing their own versions of the text. It's also spread around Instagram and Reddit in image macro form. We're enjoying the meme, but there's nothing funny about treating your friendships in a transactional matter. Maybe this text will help people realize they should open their hearts instead of closing them. 

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  • 01
    Text - Text - Melissa A. Fabello, PhD @fyeahmfabello I want to chat briefly about this text that I received from a friend last week: Do you have the emotional/mental capacity for me to vent about something medical/weight-related for a few minutes? 2:10 PM Nov 18, 2019 Twitter for iPhone
    via Know Your Meme
  • 02
    Text - Text - Melissa A. Fabello, PhD @fyeahmfabello PS: Someone reached out and asked for an example of how you can respond to someone if you don't have the space to support them T offered this template: "Hey! I'm so glad you reached out I'm actually at capacity helping someone else who's in crisis/ dealing with some personal stuff right now, and I don't think I can hold appropriate space connect [later date or time] instead / Do you have someone else you could Could we for you. reach out to?"
    via Know Your Meme
  • 03
    Text - Text - MESSAGES now Anxiety What if you're not good enough MESSAGES now Depression Everyone hates you MESSAGES now Melissa A. Fabello, PhD Hey! I'm so glad you reached out. I'm actually at capacity helping someone else who's in crisis...
    via officialunitedstates
  • 04
    Text - let @coyote_time Hi, does everybody have the mental/emotional capacity right now to read a tweet about how the olives keep rolling off of the hummus toast I made even though I thought the hummus would work as a gluing agent? I just like to ensure consent for this kind of emotional labor 12:45 PM Nov 19, 2019 from Los Angeles, CA Twitter for iPhone
    via Know Your Meme
  • 05
    Text - Text - Nick Ciarelli @nickciarelli I was wondering if I could talk to you hey about the big dog that is stuck biting into my like from a cartoon Hey! I'm actually at my emotional capacity or mental energy to help you through this particular crisis rn. Do you have a pungent steak that the dog could smell? 4:11 PM Nov 19, 2019 Twitter Web App
    via Know Your Meme
  • 06
    Text - thank god for dead pilgrims @babadookspinoza Thomas Sankara: "As revolutionaries, we don't have the right to say we are tired of explaining. We must never stop explaining. We know that when the people understand, they cannot help but follow us." Me: "Hey Thomas! I'm so glad you reached out. I'm actually at capacity right 12:27 PM Nov 19, 2019 Twitter for iPhone
    via Know Your Meme
  • 07
    Text - Text - 18 М Mom Today 02:09 Hi rob can you take the garbage outside please I'm so exhausted and have the flu and can barely move Hey! I'm so glad you reached out. I'm actually at capacity / dealing with some personal stuff right now, and I don't think I can hold appropriate space for you. Could we connect [later time and date] instead / Do you have someone else you could reach out to? Delivered
    via officialunitedstates
  • 08
    Text - Text - brendon bouzard @brendonbouzard Hey, I'm so glad you reached out. I'm actually at capacity helping someone else who's in crisis / dealing with some personal stuff right now, and I don't think I can hold appropriate space for you. Recents Fraud Risk 3:21 PM (i San Antonio, TX Fraud Risk i 1:04 PM San Antonio, TX 3:29 PM Nov 19, 2019 Twitter for iPhone
    via Know Your Meme
  • 09
    Text - Text - Lincoln Michel @TheLincoln Trump's notepad today was wild ABOARD AIR FORCE ONE Hey! I'm actually at capacity / helping someone else who's in a crisis/ dealing with some personal stuff right now and I don't think I can hold apropriate space for Snaldnump that aid t btions you. simages Wilson 1188927586 TweetDeck Nov 20, 2019 12:04 PM
    via Know Your Meme
  • 10
    Text - garrett @garrettdunc me as a therapist: so how are you doing this week patient: well it's been rough, - me: sorry but I'm at capacity and this is a lot of emotional labor right now 3:46 PM Nov 19, 2019 Twitter for Android
    via Know Your Meme
  • 11
    Text - Columbo's Fake Wife @SlayerofCis Adam: Did I request thee, Maker, from my clay to mould me Man, did I solicit thee from darkness to promote me? God: Hey! I'm so glad you reached out. I'm actually at capacity/helping someone else who's in crisis/dealing with personal issues and I don't think I can hold appropriat 11:18 AM Nov 19, 2019 Twitter Web App
    via Know Your Meme
  • 12
    Text - Text - Moms Edge Mom I'm gonna call 911 327 PM He is inside mom he's gonna here me 329 PM K 328 PM U call or come home or something mom Read 3:28 PM Read Mc 329 PM Hey! I'm so glad you reached out. I'm ually at capacity/
    via officialunitedstates
  • 13
    Text - C. Spencer Yeh @Cspenceryeh I just finished a first mix of my new Friend is like "hey record, you wanna check it?" and l'm like "Hey! I'm so glad you reached out. I'm actually at capacity right now..." 1:20 PM Nov 19, 2019 Twitter for iPhone
    via Know Your Meme
  • 14
    Text - Snapshot - "Hey! I'm so glad you reached out. I'm actually at capacity / helping someone else who's in crisis / dealing with some personal stuff right now, and I don't think I can hold appropriate space for you. Could we connect [later date or time] instead/ Do you have someone else you could reach out to?"
    via @helen
  • 15
    Facial expression - "Hey! I'm so glad you reached out. I'm actually at capacity / helping someone else who's in crisis dealing with some personal stuff right now, and I don't think I can hold appropriate space for you. Could we connect [later date or time] instead/ Do you have someone else you could reach out to?"
    via Know Your Meme
  • 16
    Text - Text - Patrick Monahan @pattymo GEORGE: Jerry! My hair dryer ruined the picture of Man- Hands! I need another one or I can't get back into the forbidden city! JERRY: "Hey! I'm so glad you reached out. I'm actually at capacity helping someone else who's in crisis / dealing with some personal stuff right now, and I don't thinkI can hold appropriate space for you. Could connect [later date or time] instead / Do you have someone else you could we reach out to?" 3:45 PM Nov 19, 2019 Twitter fo
    via Know Your Meme
  • 17
    Text - Text - no problem @DukeHonkin (replying to my boss's email asking me to please start showering and using deodorant) Hey! I'm so glad you reached out. I'm actually at capacity at the moment and i don't think i can hold the appropriate space for this. Could we connect at a later date, 4:44 PM Nov 19, 2019 Twitter for iPhone
    via Know Your Meme
  • 18
    Text - Text - patrick @batr1k Hey! I'm so glad you reached out. I'm actually at capacity because I'm crying over Baby Yoda right now, and I don't think I can hold appropriate space for you. Do you have someone else you could reach out to? 12:31 PM Nov 19, 2019 Twitter for iPhone
    via Know Your Meme
  • 19
    Text - Text - When you reach out to Aquarius Moon for emotional support. "Hey! I'm so glad you reached out. I'm actually at capacity / helping someone else who's in crisis/ dealing with some personal stuff right now, and I don't think I can hold appropriate space for you. Could we connect [later date or time] instead / Do you have someone else you could reach out to?"
    via The Tab
  • 20
    Text - Eyewear - Do you have the emotional/mental capacity for me to vent about something medical/weight-related for a few minutes? "Hey! I'm so glad you reached out I'm actually at capacity /helping someone else who's in crisis/ dealing with some personal stuff right now, and I don't think I can hold appropriate space for you. Could we connect [later date or time] instead/ Do you have someone else you could reach out to?"
    via Junkee
  • 21
    There was a problem rendering this video - it may have been deleted.
    via @mattbors

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feelings template Memes midsommar twitter memes funny tweets funny copypasta
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